Thank You, Early Morning Self

Thank goodness that my early morning self was full of resolve and optimism! I woke up, got up, hit the kitchen, and threw away all of the leftover sugar and butterfat (a.k.a. vanilla ice cream and mini cherry pies) from the weekend. Plus the Girl Scout cookies that have been taunting me for a week. Threw them all away in the trash outside, the big bin, the one I would never, ever, ever go into to get something out of (except car keys, but I don’t eat those).

Now, as I start to wonder what a good mid-morning snack might be, I do not have the option of eating any of those things. Thanks to a spinach e. coli recall, I actually don’t have many options at all. Water, yogurt, and an orange it is! ]

Hope you are doing well. I’m struggling, but mostly winning. I’m afraid to get on the scale these days, but soon, I’ll get there.

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Superbowl of Sugar

No, I did not attend a Superbowl party and give in to temptation. I skipped the game entirely and went out with great friends to a new place, only to be completely derailed by the stealth sugar of cocktails.

I’m feeling rather green about the gills this morning and am actually kind of laughing to myself, because it has been a long, long, long time since I’ve been hungover. That realization makes me feel pretty good, as I used to feel this way pretty regularly and now can’t quite recall the last time I indulged like that.

Interestingly, I don’t think I had that much to drink, but several of my drinks (I was refilling my glass before I was finished, so not entirely clear how many drinks that is) were made with ginger ale or Sprite, both full sugar, and I kind of think all of this stomach-churning is more about the sugar than the booze.

I will be atoning with a green smoothie and a rare (at this point, anyway) early-ish morning trip the gym to walk it off. I’m kind of dreading the noise of the smoothie machine, but I’ll manage. Perhaps last night was my rock bottom? Smooth rocks and shallow water if so, but still, I’m clearly at a crossroads of just how long I’m going to tolerate this counterproductive, unhealthy consumption, and being on the brink of being physically ill from it certainly puts it in sharp perspective!

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Sunday Morning Reflection

I attended a very interesting lecture yesterday by a doctor who runs a surgical weight loss center. I’m not considering the procedure, and it wasn’t what he was talking about. He’s become vegan, and something of an evangelist for following that diet. He spoke and did a cooking demo, and while I’m not ready to go vegan, the lecture really helped reorient me to healthier eating.

I also made cookies last night, so there’s that—the constant contradiction. I rationalized that we are going to a football watching party today, but nobody asked me to make them. I ate five. I haven’t baked the rest.

If I may, can I use this space to get something off my chest? I’m not particularly organized, and my stuff makes up the majority of stuff inside our house, but I’m feeling like the only one of the two of us in this relationship who takes any responsibility for joint space within our house. At a certain point, after you’ve been living in a house for over a decade, “I don’t know where it goes” is no longer a good excuse for not putting away pots and pans after they’ve been washed and dried. Condiments don’t live in the last place you used them. I don’t need to see any of the junk mail that comes in, so please just recycle or trash it instead of leaving it on the table so that I will find five separate piles of it at week’s end—or at least make one pile of it!

Clearly, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and need to refocus on taking responsibility for myself and my feelings. And clearly, I’m not doing the constructive thing by sharing these thoughts with the one person who could actually do something about them. I’m just afraid to, because I’m afraid he’ll then throw back in my face how out of control I’ve been about taking care of myself and my work and my things, and I don’t need any extra criticism.

Thanks for listening. I’m cleaning up the kitchen right now so that I can get it clean enough to be able to make breakfast. Onward!

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Being Honest with Lose It

I woke up just now and, before even making tea, logged my food from lunch and dinner in Lose It.

I was over 384 calories for the day, and I didn’t do any exercise to offset it. We had people over for dinner, and I made brownies, and I ate more than anyone else. So, I wrote it down.

I realized that it was the first time in a really, really long time that I recorded going over my calories in Lose It. While I was keeping a log on a regular basis, I almost never went over my allocation. Most of the time, that was because I was actually exercising enough that any overage was canceled out, but knowing myself, once I started slipping, I probably neglected to write a few things down.

At any rate, I’m proud of seeing that red indicator that I’ve gone over, because at least it means I’m writing it down. Onward through the day, trying to get back on track with the no added sugar again after last night’s slip. My immediate next move, after hitting publish, is going to be throwing away the extra brownies. Easier to do at 7 a.m. than later!

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Get Me Through Thursday

For two days in a row, I’ve recorded what I’ve eaten and stuck to my calorie goal. I’ve done a very good job, too, of getting those calories from real food distributed properly across the food groups (e.g. five servings of veggies).

I’m trying to cut out sugar, although I’ve been having green smoothies in the morning with fruit (in addition to the green parts & chia seeds & yogurt). Yesterday, by the end of the day, if you had walked past me with a donut in your hand, you might have lost a finger. I’m a little cranky about the whole situation.

Today, my husband has invited 10 work colleagues over for dinner. I woke up this morning thinking hey, I should make brownies first thing so the kitchen warms up and the house smells good. I talked myself down from that idea, because really, what that means is that I’ll make them, one or two of the ten will eat one or two, and the rest will tank my resolve.

I’ve lost two pounds since the last time I weighed myself, and I’m determined not to go over 200 ever again, so that’s two pounds in the right direction. If I can get through this dinner, and this week, without giving in to sugar, I’ll be proud of myself. If not, well, I’ll try not to beat myself up. It is a little discouraging to realize that I was about 15 pounds from my goal, and am now 54 pounds from it, but it would be even more discouraging to be 84 pounds from it, so there’s that!

I’m having some issue with the Reader function in WordPress, so am having to google and hunt a bit to check in on everyone. I’m choosing to count it as more exercise for my fingers.

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