The Third Step

Until I pulled into the parking lot, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. Then, when it was crowded at the front desk, and I hadn’t made eye contact with anyone, I thought for half a second that I might just come back later.

But, I stayed, and joined a new gym.

A few years ago, I joined a gym with my husband. We wanted something to do together. It turns out he loves the cardio classes, and I love weights. Then, I allowed myself to be turned off by a bad experience with a trainer. While the trainer was not professional and didn’t pay attention to my explicitly-stated goals, I can’t let her bear the blame. I talked myself out of being successful.

I’ve got an appointment for orientation on Friday, but I may try to go in at least once before then just to prove to myself I can do it. It has been so long, and I’m in miserable shape, so I’m going to have to start very slowly.

I am afraid of exercise. I know this is a somewhat irrational fear, but only somewhat, as the whole experience with rapid dehydration is always in the back of my mind. I just know that I cannot go through life without some outlet for relieving stress, and I’ve never been much for yoga or meditation, so I need to push myself to find out if I can still push myself.

I’m looking forward to this new gym for two big reasons. First, the pool! I love to swim.

A few of my friends who are overweight, and plenty who aren’t, do not like anyone to see them in bathing suits. Feh. Nobody sees me in my bathing suit.

One thing I’ve learned about being fat is that I am almost completely invisible to most people. People literally do not see me. I should probably rob banks! That’s not really my speed, however, so I’ll stick with swimming, in public, in a bathing suit.

Second reason—Fitlinxx. The gym’s machines are all networked into a program that records (if you enter your code) your workout.

Long ago, at another gym, we had this system, and it totally motivated me. I don’t know if the new gym does this, but the old one would put up a sign each month with the names and amount of weight lifted by the top ten women and men. Sounds silly, but I had a much easier time pushing myself knowing I might get on that list. Sometimes, I did!

So, the third step. I’ve joined a gym. I’m prepared to start this phase of the work. Fingers crossed, everyone!

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