I don’t want to make it sound like I blame my parents or anything . . .
I heard a song tonight that triggered some strong emotions. Usually, I turn to music to feel better. Something with a driving rhythm, a kick ass & take names anthem. Sometimes, even music that make me sad makes me feel better, because it helps me express the sadness and then move on.
Tonight, however, music made me feel angry and shamed.
Daddy’s little fatty
Bet he’s gonna be a man some day.
I’d forgotten until I heard it. (You can hear it here. Love that western swing!) My dad used to sing this to me. He modified the last line of the chorus, however, and didn’t sing about Roly Poly becoming a man. He changed it to be something mean about me being fat.
My father also liked to sing Nobody loves a fat girl/She’s just a truck on the highway of love. Another classic everyone remembers from campfires, right?
I used to think that my mom was the one obsessed with weight, but as my parents have gotten older and started to loosen their filters, I see now that my dad is equally obsessed. Part of my mom’s great fear of food is being judged by him.
Sitting here, writing this, I’m starting to feel really angry at my dad. I may need to look into this more.
My mom has said no end of hurtful things to me about my weight. I think one of the worst things was when she told me she hoped she’d see my pretty face again some day.
Any overweight person will tell you that nothing stings like being told you have such a pretty face. But how about being told by your own mother that you no longer even have a pretty face?
Yes, I think I might actually benefit from working through these feelings.