The Lost Weekend

Mindful eating flew out the door this weekend.

I’ve been playing a dangerous game called wait as long as you can to eat breakfast in the morning. Not intentionally, really, but I got busy this week and realize now that I was waking up, starting to work, and not eating until I was hungry. And, I’ll admit, not even drinking water by Friday until after I’d weighed myself, hoping I might lose one more pound and finally reach 6 lost.

So, Saturday, I waited until I was really hungry, and then realized that 1) I had no eggs to eat, and 2) I was really going to need them because I was baking a cake for someone—for money! Of course, my car didn’t start, and since my husband was out of town for the weekend, I started to panic a little about being trapped at home all weekend. What if something went wrong? I couldn’t just be without a car, so I found one to borrow, then hit the store.

Here’s what I ate this weekend:

  • 3 chocolate chip pancakes (because I told myself I needed to sample the new gluten-free mix)
  • A full-calorie coke (no diet cokes in the house – because they are bad for me)
  • 5 mini Babe Ruth candy bars (which I bought at least in an 8-pack instead of a whole Halloween bag)
  • An entire box of Glutino chocolate-covered vanilla wafers (because, of course, I had to see if they were any good)
  • A third of a bag of potato chips (left over from having friends over for dinner Friday)
  • A half a pint of chocolate ice cream (purchased in case the dessert I made Friday didn’t turn out, because you can’t invite people for dinner and not have dessert)
  • Breakfast tacos from my favorite stand that has only flour tortillas, no corn

Needless to say, I did not go to the gym Saturday or Sunday. I wanted to go Saturday, but I was afraid to work out without having any healthy calories to burn. I have this weird hang-up that I need to be eating very healthily before going to the gym, because if I go after depriving myself of actual nutrients and skimping on hydration, I may trigger an adverse reaction and dehydrate.

Clearly, I need to get it all back on track. I woke up just now itching all over my body, which may be a reaction to cramming myself full of junk, and may be the repercussions of not taking my allergy medicine for two days in a row. I’m realizing now I forgot to take that over the weekend.

I guess it could be worse. Some stories of lost weekends involve binging on drugs and alcohol, and at least I didn’t do that. I didn’t break any laws. So that’s positive.

This really was a lesson in how salty and fatty foods make me crave more salty and fatty foods. I could barely choke down the moderately healthy food I did manage to eat. I put potato chips on my scrambled eggs, for heaven’s sake!

Sometimes I think I should hide all of my money, send someone else to the grocery store, and stay at home to avoid temptation. But that would just be trying to make my own choices someone else’s responsibility, and that not only isn’t fair to the other person, but doesn’t help me take control of my own life. Still, sometimes it is tempting to wish I could give it all up for someone else to worry about.

I think I will give myself a break from getting on the scale for a few days. Why punish myself that much more?

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