Lapse, Relapse, June?!

Well, didn’t see that coming. Vacation? No problem. Holidays? No problem. Another vacation? Very responsible, healthy eating.

Regular old everyday life? Totally lost my focus. I held steady in the mid-220s for several months, but I’ve crept up again. How did this happen?

  1. Stress eating.
  2. Eating from boredom.
  3. Shopping (and eating) without a plan.
  4. Avoiding the scale and the food journal (Lose It).
  5. Making every excuse in the world to get back to the gym tomorrow.
  6. Giving up.

All I can do is try again. I met with a nutritionist this morning. I’ll go back in a couple of weeks, and will also see the doctor and get some labs done. I’m probably going to do another diet that starts with an all-liquid, calorie-restricted stage.

I’m a little in denial that I haven’t quite gotten my blood pressure under control. I’m a little in denial about a great number of things.

But not about everything. I somehow have started feeling happier. Still stressed out by work and financial concerns—the usual—but I’ve been able to lower my shoulder and push through it much better.

I’m going to do the liquid diet again. I’m doing it at a new place that requires me to commit to a full year of meetings. Just 12 weeks of restricted-calorie liquid diet, but 40 additional weeks of support, nutritional counseling, planning, practicing, and monitoring. It will be a small group, and we’ll be encouraged to talk with each other between meetings to stay on track.

I’m giving up any shame I feel for having failed to keep weight off the other times I’ve done this diet. I need to lose weight to be healthier, and if this is something that can help me do that, then I’m going to do it. All I can do is try to do it better than before, and really focus on changing my habits while surrounded by supportive people.

The liquid phase doesn’t start for another month, so I have some time to ease on back to the gym, flex my willpower muscles a few times, and not start the program from a dead stop.

My goal is to become good at staying at a healthy weight, rather than demonstrating my impressive skill at losing weight and gaining it back. Time for bed now. Wish me luck.


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