The Candy Drawer

I slept for almost 10 hours last night. Glorious.

I wore a pair of jeans last night that didn’t fit three weeks ago. The first time I sat down in them, they came unzipped, but that was the only time that happened all night. They are definitely tight, but right now, I’ll take that over wearing a pair that I don’t have to hitch up every five minutes for sure.

I’ve also work my wedding ring out a few times lately. I was starting to worry that my fingers had permanently grown, and it is possible that my wedding band may just need to be re-sized, as it was always kind of small, but my engagement ring fits again. That took much longer than I had hoped it would. I’m actually nervous that I’ll get them on and then my fingers will swell. Wearing two rings on one finger is also just something that is hard to adjust to after wearing either nothing or a loose, cheap, fake ring.

I’ve lost 45 pounds as of this morning.

I ate two french fries yesterday. That’s really the biggest cheat I’ve had since I started the all-liquid phase of this diet in July. I’m not going to beat myself up over two fries, but I don’t want to ignore them, either, because I’m done pretending I didn’t eat something.

That’s a photo of something else I once pretended I wasn’t eating. I went to look for something this morning and realized that empty box of chocolates has been hiding in my desk for months.

I threw it away. I then opened another drawer and found several more candy wrappers to throw out.

I once got extremely angry at a college boyfriend when I discovered he was doing cocaine. I suggested to him that if whatever he was doing required a locked door, he probably shouldn’t be doing it.

If you have to hide food in a room that isn’t even the kitchen, in a drawer you almost never go into, then that food is probably not something you are coping with in a healthy way.

[I’m not going to say chocolate is as bad as cocaine, which is what the drug counselor I forced my boyfriend to see brought up. It may be true, but it wasn’t helpful in the context of that conversation!]

I’m still making progress. I’ve still got demons to confront and bad habits to change. I feel good, though, and that’s a great place to be on a Sunday afternoon.

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10 Responses to The Candy Drawer

  1. nikkianne says:

    Yay for you!
    1. Down 45 lbs
    2. Wearing jeans you couldn’t fit into three weeks ago
    3. Your wedding and engagement rings fitting again!

    So amazing and inspiring! Keep it up!

    • Andie says:

      Thank you. I’m so glad I didn’t waste time & money shopping for new jeans. At some point, I’ll have to hit the stores, but I’m kind of not really ready to find out how that will go. Patience. πŸ˜‰

  2. J. says:

    congrats on 45!

  3. Janet says:

    I can really relate about the remnants of foods we aren’t supposed to eat. I know I used to do that too. Terrible habit but it’s great that we can learn so much about our habits during this weigh loss journey. 45 lbs gone, WOW! Great for you! Also fitting into a pair of jeans that used to be too small. Congrats and keep going! πŸ™‚

    • Andie says:

      We are going to get there. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one to hide food – and glad to you that’s a “used to” (in the past!) for you, too. Here’s to no more hiding food. Glad you got a new camera, by the way.

  4. I was a “hide the wrapper in the drawer person.” I’m still not sure why I didn’t just throw them in the trash. Congratulations on the 45 pounds and the jeans, and the ring! All wonderful outward signs you are getting this done!

    • Andie says:

      Thanks! – I appreciate your support. I think being able to share that I would buy & hide a whole box of candy is a good sign, too, that I’m able to face some of my unhealthy behavior.

  5. Rochelle says:

    Congratulations on the 45 pounds gone!!! That is quite an accomplishment.
    Oh, how I can relate to the hidden candy. This Halloween season is a real killer (as is every Halloween) – no matter how crappy that candy makes me feel, it is my weakness. I should not but candy until the ay of trick or treat….and yet…..
    I am happy for you, though – you are hitting many milestones. I remember what it is like to fit into clothing that once was too tight. Just wait until those jeans you just wore become too big – and they will – soon!

  6. This is amazing. You’re clearly doing everything you need to do to be happy and healthy. And I definitely connect with the whole candy-wrappers-in-the-drawer thing. They’re like little ghosts. We haunt ourselves sometimes.

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