Hardcore Detox Days

Days 5 to 7 are here. Cruciferous veggies; raw, leafy greens; oil and vinegar; and 2 scoops of protein powder four times a day. I threatened last night to only do two days of this instead of three. I’ll see how I feel after today.

The good news is that I’ve discovered that by adding powdered ginger to the protein drink, I can mask the horrible smell and drink it without pinching my nose. The bad news is that after a week of mostly being able to work at home, away from people and able to graze all day long on fresh veggies, I’ve got several appointments today, including a luncheon.

I’m going to roast some Brussels sprouts and pack them in a bento box, then mix up the protein powder and ginger in a Mason jar and set up my little meal right at the damn table. Right smack dab in the middle of the hotel ballroom. Screw it. I’m not going to huddle in my car or go into the ladies room (yuck) to eat this food.

I’m going to put the Mason jar in a zippered plastic bag, and not add water until I’m at the table. One of my partners in the weight loss program spilled her water bottle inside her purse last night, and I think we’ve now all learned a valuable lesson about just how watertight/trustworthy our shake-shakers are.

Last night, at group, we were supposed to come dressed for exercise. We reviewed the nutritional information we’ve been learning for the past seven months. If you could answer correctly questions like how many calories does an ounce of very lean protein have (35), the whole class had to do the specified exercise. If you got it wrong, only you had to do it.

I started out cranky but game, but got a leg cramp in a totally weird spot while doing chair dips and dropped to the ground. I was laughing but also cryingβ€”it was the end of a long day and we were all a bit giddy. Everyone else in the group had either finished the detox (one woman lost 10 pounds!) or had made it past days 5 to 7. A couple of people tolerated it really well, and one or two others were as miserable as I’ve been. We decided we must be the ones with the most toxins to purge.

Everyone took pity on me. I did some of the exercises, but they understood when I sat them out, too.

To pick the exercise, we’d take turns spinning a little wheel like you have in a board game. It kept landing on butt exercises (arms, abs, and back just couldn’t get a break). I spun at one point and we were running out of ideas, so I suggested kegels, which aren’t exactly butt exercises but which didn’t require getting on the ground and are at least in the general vicinity.

We quickly realized that few things are more hilarious and awkward than a group of women sitting around trying not to look at each other while doing kegels. Just suggest a round next time you’re sitting around with a group of women friends and see what I mean.

Or, you know, take my word for it. πŸ˜‰

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12 Responses to Hardcore Detox Days

  1. wartica says:

    Good luck on your journey; those first steps are always the hardest but once you get going, anything is possible. Great post and I look forward to sharing more with you:))

  2. Andie,
    I just *had* to comment about how funny (and awkward) that must have been to sit around doing kegels with a group! LOL – The picture in my head is going to keep me giggling at random moments for a while, so thanks! πŸ˜‰


  3. Shonnie says:

    Hahaha — that would be funny! It is funny when we are on the refomer machines and we are all staring at our crotches are talking about MJ’s Kegel face … that is how we are supposed to “KNOW” she is doing it. Try kegelin’ while bustin’ out laughing and bridging on a machine while you move back and forth … you tend to lose it (on many levels). This class is supposed to be classy and serene, but we just laugh way to stinkin’ much and try not to pass gas! YIKES! Sorry, I know that is a whole other subject. πŸ™‚

  4. nikkianne says:

    Lol! Too hilarious!

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  6. Sounds like a great laugh – something you probably needed after a hard few days detoxing.

  7. TresLaLa says:

    I am totally recommending this at Book Club!

  8. Hey, there, hope you’re doing well on the detox. Thinking about you going through the “crunch.”

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