We looked at each other last night. Dragging, sniffling, a little bit achy. I didn’t exercise at all for three days in a row. Simply hadn’t had the energy. I could not face chopping one more vegetable, cleaning one more dish.
We went out for dinner.
I ordered the veggie stir fry, but with tofu.
The waiter brought veggie pad thai instead.
I didn’t send it back.
I didn’t eat it all, but I ate some of it, and I’m not sorry. And that, my friends, is how the great detox of ’12 ended. With peanut-studded rice noodles and a sweet, sticky brown sauce.
As one of my professors used to say, this is America, and we’re busy. I’ve got tons to do this week, and the fact is, I need to get back to a more reasonable balance of protein and carbs. I’m not ditching the veggies, as they’ve always been part of my diet, but I need protein, the good stuff, the stuff that isn’t mucked up with the carbs that slow me down.
I just ate two eggs for breakfast, and am feeling pretty good. I’m going to wrap up a few items on my work to-do list, then hit my regular errands plus a grocery store strike for some omega-rich fish and organic chicken. After my early afternoon meeting will be my late afternoon workout. I’m going back to what was working really well. I’ve got at least twelve more pounds to lose to be at my goal, and I think I’ve got a pretty decent road map for getting there and thriving.
Am I a wimp for giving up on the final meal of day 8 of a 10 day detox?
I am not a wimp. I am a realist.
I realized that since I made this seismic shift in my life, completely overhauling my approach to eating and exercising, this has been the first time I’ve fallen back on being totally focused on food.
Thinking about it, planning what I would eat, watching the clock until I could eat, rationing it out, fantasizing about what I’d rather be eating, preparing it, cleaning up after preparing it. ¡y basta! That kind of focus on food has never served me well.
Yesterday, I found myself thinking about what it feels like to bite into a biscuit cooked with lard and how that differs from the mouth-feel of a brownie, and wondering whether I could find a bakery selling single oatmeal raisin cookies on a Sunday. On Saturday, my husband called me and as I answered the phone, I realized that as I had picked up the phone, I had also opened the pantry to look at the three bars of milk and white baking chocolate I’ve had since Christmas. I was contemplating milk chocolate, wondering whether I could eat just one square or if I’d eat the whole thing.
That kind of focus on food isn’t healthy for me at all. The detox may have re-set my palate, but it seems to have hit the crave/obsess switch in my brain, too, and I know I’ve got to do whatever it takes to override that before it overrides me.