That was today’s theme.
Nothing was entirely new, but I definitely approached each with a new attitude and awareness.
First, I ate a fast food sandwich for lunch. Now, of all of the ones I could have eaten, it was relatively OK. The Ahi Tuna Sandwich at Becks Prime: 45 grams each of protein and carbs. Ahi tuna, a few slices of cucumber, tomatoes, and onion, with a special sauce. I ate it as-is, with the wasabi sauces that tasted like mild blue cheese dressing with a hint of hotness, and both halves of the bun.
Both halves of the bun. That’s pretty much the biggest hit of carbs I’ve had at one sitting since last June. It is hardly a diet catastrophe. I enjoyed it, but I felt a little guilty, too.
I’m striving to limit carbs to 15 to 30 grams per meal. But I’m also striving not to become so carb-o-phobic that I create any long-term health problems for myself. And, I’m trying not to become so hyper-vigilant about what I will and will not eat that hyper-vigilance becomes an eating disorder.
So, I’ve been craving a hamburger, and really, just craving plain old comfort food. This lunch outing was a little bit of an emotional eating moment for me. I was tired, frankly, because constantly cooking and cleaning dishes does start to wear on me after awhile, and wanted to treat myself.
It isn’t realistic for me to think that I will ever entirely leave emotional eating behind, just as it isn’t realistic (I don’t think) for me to say I’ll never eat a cheeseburger. I sat at home, and even pulled Brussels sprouts and asparagus out of the fridge to start to prepare lunch, but I considered that eventually, I will wind up eating an unhealthy lunch, so why not today.
When it came to ordering, however, I couldn’t pull the trigger on the out-and-out binge (because that’s what it would’ve felt like) of an actual burger. Ahi tuna seemed like a good compromise.
I also got a side salad.
The other new thing I tried today was yoga. My trainer is also an instructor, so we spent our hour going through a series of poses on either an inhale of an exhale, which is vinyasa yoga. I recognized some of the poses, and have sort of done them before as part of yoga VHS tapes (yep, not even DVDs, which should tell you something), but I realized today, I was not exactly doing them correctly. The nuances of yoga don’t translate to video.
Suffice it to say, it was hard. Apparently I am supposed to be able to hold my arms out while relaxing my shoulders. This was news to both my arms and my shoulders.
Actually, I tried a third thing, too, because I mentioned to my trainer that I’m running a 5K in 9 days. Nine days! Yikes!
I laughingly told her about my mistaken belief a few weeks ago (months?) that I was faster than I am, and thought I might be able to place in my age-group category until I realized how slow I really am. She had me run around the track and coached me on my foot-striking to help me add some speed. It’ll take some time for me to adjust, but if it helps me speed up, great! And if not, well, I’ll at least not be pounding my heels quite as hard.
Thanks for listening, internet. I’m trying not to freak out over the fact that I ate the damn bun. I think I’m going to adjust my daily calorie goal upward tomorrow on Lose It, too, so I can start eating in a slightly more normal range. We’ll see. Baby steps. I am learning. Seems like I should also sit down for another one-on-one with the nutritionist soon to get an objective opinion on it all, and have some blood work done, too.