All Is Not Lost (All Is Not Gained, Either)

Well, this little experiment in taking a month-long near-vacation has been mixed!

Internet access has been spotty. Well, who am I kidding, my desire to sit in front of a computer has been spotty. I’ve spent too much time doing it, as work has really heated up. Could’ve predicted that work would spike if I tried to work remotely for a month, but I still would’ve come up here. It is great to be sitting at my computer just 30 feet from the gorgeous blue water of this lake. I’ll try to get some good photos to share.

The good: When we first arrived, I did an excellent job of exercising, running every other morning (half-marathon training) and walking the dogs at least twice a day. I was eating pretty well, too.

The not-as-good: It turns out that when you transition from running indoors on a flat track to running outdoors up massive hills, you open yourself up to the possibility of injuries. My heel really hurts, which could be a strained muscle or could be plantar fascitis, which auto-correct seems to think has something to do with totalitarian politics in Italy in the mid-century (fascists is its suggestion). I’ve been off of it, wearing supportive shoes, for about a week and a half. Ugh. I still do have to walk the dogs, however, so it still hurts a bit.

The other not-so-great: being in a vacation home with my parents has triggered some issues with me that I’ve dealt with by eating. I’m not proud of that, because I should be able to manage my emotions better, but there you have it. I have done some secret eating, and even some binge eating. I’m really not proud of that.

Still, I’m talking about it with you, and with my husband, and I’m at least partially logging food. Many meals include kale, and if you’re still eating kale, how far have you really fallen?

We’re going to here for another couple of weeks, tops, although we might leave a couple of days early just to get out of the stress cycle.

I’ve probably gained a few pounds. I don’t know how many, and I know that I can manage it. I’m more concerned about not doing any long-term damage to my foot than anything else. I really want to be able to run that half-marathon.

I was kicking ass when I was running, if I may say so myself. The hills took time getting used to, but I liked the challenge, and loved running in the lower-humidity weather. My heart rate monitor died, but it didn’t phase me. I also got one of those nifty belts that has little water bottles attached, and found that other than listening to water sloshing, I didn’t really notice having that extra equipment strapped to me.

I did have one kind of nasty encounter with someone who has known me for almost 30 years. She remarked that I looked like I’d lost some weight. With some people, I’m pretty open about it, but I gave her the standard yes, I did, and it’s been hard but worth it. She pressed, wanting to know how much I’d lost, and it made me uncomfortable, so I demurred and just repeated that it had taken a year and was hard, but that I was proud of the accomplishment. No, really, like 70 pounds do you think? She kept asking, and I kept dodging, saying well, you know how hard it is, but I did it. She then said actually, she didn’t know how hard it was, because she’d never let herself go. She caught herself just as she said “go,” but she made her point.

This drove me to brownies. I’m not proud of the way I handled it. I immediately emailed a friend to ask for help and support, though, too, so it could have been worse. And, most of the brownies are still in the freezer, uneaten. I haven’t thrown then away, but I’m working up to it.

I’ve realized how important support is. I’m sorry that I’ve missed out on reading all of the blogs I normally read, and stopped commenting and being a cheerleader and blog-friend. I feel greedy saying that I need support when I’ve been the bad example of how not to do it. 😀

I’m going to focus on balance for the next couple of weeks. The whole plan was to try to maintain this month anyway. When I get back to Texas, I’ll get back on the horse as far as more regular blogging, commenting, food logging, and exercising.

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4 Responses to All Is Not Lost (All Is Not Gained, Either)

  1. Shonnie says:

    Hey … you have passed me. Hold on! You are tough. WE got this battle. You are kickin’ butt and takin’ names–because you are being real with yourself and honest with us. Love and hugs girl!

  2. Laina says:

    “…and if you’re still eating kale, how far have you really fallen?”

    I love you for this.

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