Talking about weight loss goals obscures the fact that there are some non-number things about my life I’d like to change. The numbers still matter, but I don’t want them to define me. Some of my goals include:
Lose weight for good.
I’m starting (over) at 229 in September, 2010. Whoops! Let’s make that 232 in June, 2011. I’d like to reach 150, which means losing 82 pounds. 150 is 25 more pounds than I weighed in college, so it doesn’t seem unreasonable. Given my height, most of those stupid weight charts say I should be 110 to 136, but I’m trying to be realistic here.
Really, truly embrace a new way of eating. I’ve lost weight before, almost 70 pounds, on a liquid diet. While I learned a great deal from the experience, what I didn’t learn was how to eat for the long term once I was done. Slowly, the bad-for-me foods crept back into my regular meal plan. The fact is, it comes down to calories in and energy expended, and I need to learn to live that way.
Experience emotions. I’ve become an expert at pushing it all way down deep. So deep that it has taken a long time for it to come back up. I react to most emotions by eating, which isn’t healthy at all.
Buy clothes in “normal” stores and departments. I really would like to be able to wear a size 12 on a regular basis. And I have this really great suit that is a size 10. I have issues – major issues – with the fashion industry and their shaming of fat people like me, but it would be nice to be able to wear just about anything.
Dance whenever the spirit moves me – for longer than 1 song! I’m out of shape enough that I can’t really go out dancing. I’m a horrible dancer, but I love music, and wish I could bop around in front of the stage all night, or learn to swing dance with my husband without worrying that I’ll collapse from overexertion.
Take a photo of myself that I’m not ashamed to share with the world. I cannot tell you how deeply it cut into my soul when my husband mournfully said, after I sent him a photo of us at a wedding in May, 2010, that it was the first time I’d ever given him a picture of me. It hurts just to type it now.
Tackle an epic physical experience. I don’t think I’ll ever run a marathon, but who knows? I’d love to go walking for several weeks across Ireland, Scotland, England, or Spain. I’d love to get involved with roller derby, or at least reclaim my childhood by skating on a regular basis.